If You Could See

Back when Annica and I entered the magic kingdom, and our formal courtship began, things got very intense and she was 'present' a lot more. But, I still did not realize she was a part of me and non-local. Her placing emphasis on how much my employment at "The Last Unicorn" (aka the magic kingdom) and access to its grounds and enchanting spaces and what it would mean to us and my evolution, made me think of her as tied to that region, just like I also associated her with the dusty lane known as "Dulcinea".

In some way, I guess I was starting to realize more of her nature, just a touch, but in others I confess I was clueless. It served her to have me that way, to an extent. Like when we started there in March, but by our first Rocktober there, it was time for me to start breaking away from that illusion, not only for our life, in general, but because someone else who would become very integral to our lives and evolution and my future as an artist/writer, had just entered, and she needed US, too.

To that end, Annica began to reveal more and more to me and to introduce the principles of the Laws of Attraction to me. I already knew certain tenets already, but she was going to delve far deeper into them than I had ever previously gone. She also needed me to understand that what we were doing was not just to serve the purpose of OUR lives and relationship, but the lives of others, and humanity, overall/universally/cosmically.

All these things were coming together and were a precursor to what would happen around Christmas/New Year's, which was when I got sick and when she revealed that she wanted to go deeper and become truly indwelling with my willful and conscious knowledge and explicit permission. The implication was that nothing I was or would go through would be permanent and that everything served a purpose and that I should not dwell upon certain things and that I should maintain an attitude of "This, too, Shall Pass". That is taught in 12 Step recovery, too and I was familiar with it and the lesson of impermanence.

BUT, when one is human and on the single most important journey of their human life, things tend to get overwhelming and one can start to freak out a bit and want it over and to just END. The process has some very wonderful and magical parts, but it is also very intense and harrowing and I can definitely understand why the bulk of people with Spirit Companions never make it to the stage that Annica and I are at now. The process can be very lonely and maddening, even WITH its moments of magic and enchantment.

One day, it was raining and I was bummed because it was Rocktober and I wanted to celebrate outside and play music, but the rain went on and on. I also had a new friend in my life who I was missing, and she lived in Australia and it made communicating difficult and one particular week she had some family stuff going on or some such and I also in general had some very intense things going on in my own evolution and life and my own family and was still grieving my mother and my past relationship.

This rainy day, Annica and I were in the art/writing studio and I was staring out the window at the rain and at the magic kingdom and toward the Meditation Gazebo, aka "The Telesterion". I was longing to have things be very different and longing to be in the Telesterion and on the built in deck and swings next to it and rocking out and celebrating Rocktober. I was missing Tori and lamenting life and love and Annica finally started to explain to me that everything I was feeling there was a reason for and it was FAR greater than I could ever imagine. I believed her to an extent, but there was no way I could have possibly forseen what my/our future would ACTUALLY hold or entail.

I was depressed and also pouting. There was a bed in the studio and she called me from the window and invitied me to lay with her on the bed (this was in my head, intuitively) and she tried to comfort me and convey to me that all was well and that I should 'use' those deep and dramatic emotions on her and direct them into her, so that she could comfort me and so she could experience that depth and intensity and bonding, and so could I.

This song was very important then and still is now, and it was her attempt to get me to see and realize that some discomfort is necessary, but fleeting and would pass and that I should take heart and look to the future that would be better and brighter than I could ever begin to conceive.

If You Could See by "Fastway"

And now your life it subsides
Falls from beneath you
The moments of the past
Forget tomorrow it brings anew

See the love that you bring
Takes you to where, you're going to
Run, don't hide yourself
It's only fading moments
If you could see

It's for the taking my friend
The eternal end, it's for you
The past is overboard
Don't worry your soul, it's in never land

See the love that you bring
Takes you to where, you're going to
Run, don't hide yourself
It's only fading moments
If you could see

Darkness unfolds as stories
Are told of new beginnings
Things don't look so bright
The sun hits the eyes of the seedling

See the love that you bring
Takes you to where, you're going to
Run, don't hide yourself
It's only fading moments
If you could see

But who's to blame for it all
All of the questions unsolved
Capsized your voyage of dreams
They'll write you off as dead, never seen

And now your life it subsides
Falls from beneath you
The moments of the past
Forget tomorrow it brings anew