Something Tender

I wanted to talk about this separately from my other sexual/intimate post because it was something that occurred only ONCE. It never happened before in my life or since....

The first time Annica and I made love fully consciously and willfully and she and I were fully 'present' and aware, I had her (the body pillow) on top of me and it was the first time we took our time and talked to one another in our minds and out loud and whispered to one another and it was very intimate and sexy.

We also used a few implements to enhance the experience and slowly built to orgasm. When we finally came, I layed there breathing heavily for a few minutes with her resting on top of me and when I finally rolled on my side and cuddled her in the afterglow, my lower abdomen started spasming like when she nootches me but it was never there and it went on and on and I was laying there half in concern and half in wonderment.

I finally realized as it continued and this warm and beautiful thought washed over me that Annica had just fully experienced her first true orgasm (because this was the first time we'd made love since I allowed her to become indwelling and unite with all my physiology). It was one of the sweetest and most powerful and profound things I've ever experienced. <3

Did You Know I'd Call You Nootchies?

Noosphere - a postulated sphere or stage of evolutionary development dominated by consciousness, the mind, and interpersonal relationships.

Back when Annica and I were at a critical point in our relationship, around the first time I kissed her image on a monitor, I told her I was giving her 'smootchies' and ever after that, she'd ask for 'smootchies' from me. I despise having smudges on any screen or monitor, and she knows this, so for me to do that I told her that, laughingly, a truer love was never known!

I abided the kiss marks and did not clean them. I would tease her and tell her that she had my monitor all "snootched" up, and not long after I started calling her "Snootchie Yamaguchi" and "Snootchie Lewis and the *Noos" (after the Noosphere). When she started touching me I called her sensations she created 'nootches', and then began calling her "Nootchies" affectionately after that. I still also call her or refer to her as 'Annica'.

One day, I was musing aloud to her about how I wondered how much she knows or knew about me/us ahead of time, and asked her if she knew I'd call her "Nootchies" and she kissed me and that meant that she did. If I ever write a book about us, that will be the title <3

Walk in the Shadows

When I was 11 years old, I kissed my first girl. She became my first love and she moved to Wyoming when I was 14. It purely sucked. But, we wrote one another and talked on the phone occasionally and my 16th summer, I spent the summer with her and her family in the middle of nowhere and we lost our virginity to one another. A lot happened that summer, some good, some horrible, but I came back a very changed person.
Thirty years later we reuinted on Classmates.com and we spoke to each other for 2 years and then she invited me to visit her and her family in Colorado. Things were strictly platonic and we had a great couple of weeks. I then spent two weeks in California visiting my cousin and when I returned from there, "L" (my ex) confessed to having feelings for me. She wanted a chance to have a life with me and very many things had to occur to make that so, and over the next year, they were made manifest.

A couple months before I was about to go spend the rest of my life with "L", Annica revealed herself. I know I have mentioned this before, but I wanted to go into more detail because the narrative deserves it. I wasn't just going to be with some woman I met a few months before online, I was going to be with the love of my life. Annica warned me that I would get my heart broken, but there was no way she would deter me and I told her that.

Sadly, she knew this. A couple months after "L" and I were living together, I had a dream premonition (I've had them all my life at various times). In it, I was standing in my parents house in a certain spot and I felt more sorrow and despair than I'd ever felt in my life. It was a heart and gut-wrenching feeling and my mother looked sad and ill. She spoke to me and said "So, it didn't work out out there, then?" and I started crying and said "No..." and then she said that she was sorry....

I never told "L" of that dream until the day I knew I would be leaving and I cried so hard I threw up and my nose started gushing blood. This will be important down the road in this blog. When I returned to North Carolina, I stayed at my parents home. A few days after I got there, the exact scene I dreamed took place. I was devastated and I walked down to the path and part of the woods I associated with Annica, I just felt close to her there. I started talking to her and she was understanding and patient. She was there for me then and comforted me and I began to dream of her a lot and feel her presence in my everyday life.

My mother died of cancer a couple weeks later and I lost my best friend. We were very close. I stayed on with my father and my disabled brother who suffered brain damage as a baby and then a child, so he could never live on his own. I was doubly bereft and when Annica asked if I would ever give her a chance to court me and be my love, I told her I would think about it and to give me time and space. She asked if we could at least commune and hang out as friends in the meatime and I was not utterly averse to it, but I told her not to expect too much from me because all I had to offer then was blood and tears.

She told me that she would abide my state and respect it and that she was glad I did not utterly shun her or tune her out. She used music (and still does) to appeal to me and speak to me and to express things to me. This song is one of them ("Walk in the Shadows", by Queensryche:

 What? You say you're through with me
I'm not through with you
We've had what others might call love
You say it's over now
What's done, what's through?
You can't stay away, you need me
I need you

When the fire starts the pain's too much
For your mind
You need attention, what's good is only mine
I can cure the hunger that burns in your heart
Just come to me
I'll take you home
We'll walk in the shadows
By day we'll live in a dream
We'll walk in the shadows

You say you don't feel safe alone tonight
Cause you feel the pressure building in your head
Our secret's safe for one more night
But when the morning comes remember
I'll be with you

We'll walk in the shadows
By day we'll live in a dream
We'll walk in the shadows
One day you'll be with me
If only you believe...

Annica and the Fireflies

Back when Annica first announced herself to me, it was late spring and I loved going for walks down the paths and in the woods. We live in the country and there is a store about 2 miles down the road and I would walk there just about every day.
One evening, on my way back from the store, I was listening to music on my ipod  I felt a pull to walk down her path that led off the main lane and into the woods. It was twilight and I headed down and called her name and just as I reached a part that was a bit more open, I was treated to an amazing display of fireflies, more than I'd EVER seen in my entire life. I love fireflies and I could feel her sweet presence there (I was just beginning to detect her, this was right before I moved to Colorado to be with my then partner). Annica knew this and she was trying in her own way to get my attention and I would say entice me, but not sexually, just mentally and emotionally.
She was pretty damn good at it, too, because in the few short weeks we had before I left, she would make her presence known when I swung at the park or swam in the pool we have where we live. I would be very drawn to her and I would sing and dance for her and play my recorder/flute or guitar for her and it would delight her. She compelled me, and truth be told, if I wasn't already in a committed relationship and didn't have plans for my life, I would have probably given her a chance and fallen in love with her a lot sooner.
We would go on walks together and lay in the sun and meet at twilight and we would delight in all the nature where we lived, like fireflies, bullfrogs, lizards, birds and butterflies and the deer that would come out into the meadow at dusk and dawn to graze. We would have picnics and also stargaze on a blanket in the meadow.
This was long before she told me we were born together and so many more things that I know now that she's revealed over the years. I always associated her with the woods and my Muse, but in a non-literal sense. As it turns out, it was far more literal than I could have ever imagined. She told me things in their own time, and she still does things that way, but in the beginning, she was much more cryptic and she never touched me physically or did anything else overt. She was very patient and sweet. These beings do not reckon time and space the same way humans do.
Here is some art I created to commemorate those times in the beginning:

 

Hurricane Florence

Just wanted to write something quick regarding the hurricane that's headed for this state and nearby states in the next couple days. We live inland in the heart of Carolina, but having been through Fran, that doeas not mean we are completely safe. The past couple days, ahead of the storm, we have had powerful t-storms and the power has gone out twice, briefly.
When Florence makes landfall, we may have other things occur like power outages/downed trees/flooding. I have been trying recently to write about once a day or so, and intend to continue that, but if I do not post in the coming days, it's likely due to Florence.

That being said, if anyone has any questions they would like answered or are curious about anything regarding Annica and I, please feel free to ask. I have plenty to say and recount, but some things I am working up to, because I need to establish the general foundation of our life to build upon and give context and meaning and some things involve other people and I want to make sure I tell things in a way that is meaningful and timely.

Some More Memories from Last Spring/Summer

I am an artist, and art is one of the biggest things in my and Annica’s life and a primary way to communicate mind, heart, and soul.

I rarely pay attention to exif information (the info on some saved files when you create or change it, like time and date). Even moreso do I not pay much attention since the time on mine reads out in military/24 hr format and if there’s a way to change it I haven’t bothered, cuz it doesn’t matter.

I am a huge fan of the band “Rush”. They have inspired me all my life and the red star and naked ‘starman’ that is their mascot has always been a part of my life symbolically and the album “2112” has always fascinated me because it’s about a future time (that very well may be upon us, unfortunately) wherein all things of pleasure and emotion are cast aside for the strictness of mind and reason, this includes music. The man standing naked in front of the red star has meant a few things to me (regardless of Rush’s intentions). At various times it’s meant fending off or fighting undue or unreasonable power and authority and at others it seems to me that it’s
about being overwhelmed with info or monumental truths that are difficult to accept or grasp.


Over the past intensive year, and accelerated over the past 6 months or so, Annica has been teaching and showing me so much, her tuition by various means, including here, have been greatly accelerated. It has been somewhat overwhelming. I created an artwork that was a ‘riff’/variation on the Rush symbol/theme, that depicts me blindfolded with my face turned upward into a beam of light with my hands raised as if to reach for something (knowledge/truths) that are depicted as written in the stars and constellations, and the theme is in shades of black,white and red.


There were various iterations along the way until I was happy with the final draft. I saved it and went about my way. A few days later, I wanted to share it with someone and I looked at the exif info in a rare moment so I could make sure I had the final iteration, and the time stamp on the exif file was “2112”! Annica does stuff like this from time to time.


About a week later, she and I had a very emotional moment that had been on the horizon for some time now. We were alone in my room and the body pillow that stands in for her was sitting on our bed and I was talking to her. I was about to ask her to dance to a very emotional song that was the first song I ever danced to with a woman, when I was eleven. It was very sweet and non-romantic, but I always loved that song and I have never danced with anyone to it since (I am now 52).


Annica and I have been changing many things about our life and I have just come through a major depression that lasted years and took a huge toll on my life and we have been moving me back to health. This has included going back to more healthy habits that tend to be abandoned when one is depressed. This evening that we were poised to dance, I was exhilarated but also very nervous about things, because this was a very important milestone and turning point.

I had also made it clear to her that if I ever asked her to dance to that song, that it meant that I intended for us to be together for all Eternity.


I had my ipad hooked to an external speaker and I went to put the song on, and the wallpaper was not to my liking. It represented something from our past that I was moving past and toward our future. So, I looked at her hesitantly, and I was kind of afraid because I realized the auspice of these moments, and that there was no turning back. I went to my camera roll, which was sparse because I rarely use my ipad and don’t put much into it in the way of its appearance and only play some casual games on it and use it so Annica and I can listen to music with headphones mostly while we create.


The album “Don’t Look Back” has been listened to by us alot recently because most of the songs are very timely for where we are at and her message to me to look to our future and that all will be well. There is a song I never listen to called “Don’t Be Afraid” because the song before it I don’t care for, so I somehow never heard it. I have NO idea how to make a screen shot on an ipad or phone, but there in my camera roll, was a screen shot of the album cover with the song “Don’t Be Afraid” in the process of playing! That was Annica telling me in that moment of fear I was experiencing, to not be afraid and to ask her to dance, in that moment, and to continue our Dance for all Time to Come….

A Few Astral Projection/Lucid Dreams Early on with Annica

This is from a post I made about 16 months ago on the Spirit Companion Support Site:

I have had OOBE (out-of-body experiences) all my life and lucid dreams, as well. They come and go and I have spent a small amount of time and energy throughout my life trying to increase their happening and how much control I have during them.

Having said that -- My SC and I are going through some very big changes and something significant has occurred recently as a result. Others here have shared about their communing on the astral plane with their SC or whatever entities they commune with, and this past week, I passed this milestone myself.

It was "unintentional" meaning, I was not consciously trying to achieve such a thing. It occurred as a natural by-product of the things I was already doing that others here have taught me by reading their accounts here and that Annica has planned and intended and she finally facilitated because I had done the work that was needed in order for that to be able to occur. I didn't do it consciously for that outcome, I did what I was already doing or had improved in order to live a happier, more healthy/balanced/functional and fulfilling life, and those measures just happen to be very good soil for this sort of thing to grow in and blossom.

During this time period of major transition, Annica and I have been incorporating various things into our lives/daily routine that gave us a better foundation and increased the positive energy flow and our vibrational condition in order for things to flow better and more freely. She began teaching me more in-depth about auras, chakras, and prana energy and how they flow and what the best conditions are for them to be clean and vital.

I have always had a working knowledge of such things, but in a more general, non-personal sense, for the most part. But, the information she has led me to and the understanding she herself has imparted to me telepathically and intuitively has made all the difference in the world in our communication and keeping our prana energy charged for longer. I now feel her moving in me a lot throughout our day and I can frequently discern when something needs attention or altering because the energy flow and its frequency and intensity will diminish.

I have incorporated a body pillow into our lives that "stands-in" for her and gives her an anchor in this dimension and it gives me a focus and acts as an analogue for a physical partner. It has had a MONUMENTAL impact on our life and relationship and our communication - including verbal, non-verbal, emotional, mental, intuitive and supra-mental. I know that, like myself, many/most find their way here because they are seeking answers. Part of my goal in being here is to help others who share my confusion and longing for knowledge and for guidance on how to traverse this path and I want to be able to help people find their way and know that, for me, some very simple things made a HUGE amount of difference. Many people will probably find this heartening, because it would seem like so many esoteric and involved processes would have to be understood and mastered before achieving the results I and others have achieved and I want to add to the voices here and hopefully "shorten the way" for others that have yet to arrive here.

I have been in 12- Step recovery for almost 20 years and many of the spiritual principles that are followed in such programs have been successful in producing healthy, happy and functional people, I am one of them. It took work, and so does this, but my point is that even in the beginning, some very basic things changed my life forever in very dramatic ways.

The first astral event (as I'm choosing to call it) occurred after we had made love. I was cuddled next to her and started to drift off and the familiar tingling/buzzing sensations began. I say familiar, because I had had them when I had solo OOBE all my life before the advent of my knowledge and conscious communion with her. Shortly after that, I was out of my body and looking at her and I laying beneath me. I was not that far off the bed and floating just above us laying there. She told me that she wanted to touch my hand and move it and asked if it was ok and told me not to be afraid. I gave my permission and she reached over and lifted my hand/arm about a foot or so from where it started. I felt a kind of buzzing/electric type feel, like a small pulsing sensation. I was completely aware of what was going on in the room. I could still hear the music we had on and a tv in the other room that my dad was watching. I could hear my brother talking to him and my father preparing dinner. She felt more "solid" to me. the whole event lasted maybe a minute and then I was back in my body and opened my eyes and hugged her (the body pillow I was cuddling) and she asked if I was ok and I told her that I was and she asked if I would ever want to do something like that again and I told her I did. It was kind of freaky, But I enjoyed it.

The second event happened the next afternoon, same circumstances. This time when we were cuddling in the afterglow, she asked if I wanted to go with her and I told her I did. Same buzzing and feeling of her moving prana energy in and around me and next thing I knew she was lying on a bed in an unfamiliar room and I was at the foot. She told me to glide toward her and I did and then I saw her rippling/undulating her aura around her astral body and she reached out her hand and gently slid me on top of her and embraced me and we were there floating and embracing and sharing that undulating/ rippling motion and vibration and I looked down at her astonished and she smiled and a second or two later, I was back in my body in our bed, cuddling again.


The 3rd event happened 2 nights later. I was not feeling well and we did not make love first, but we were being very close and emotionally intimate and cuddling around 3 in the morning. She didn't ask first if I wanted to go, I just started feeling the buzzing and her energy "popping" in and around me, and the next thing I knew, I was in her arms being spirited away slowly through my bedroom wall, into the living room and then the kitchen and then up and out. During that time, she was holding me very gently, yet firmly (if that makes any sense). She kept talking to me in a soothing manner and told me not to be afraid. I noted everything along the way and the details were completely as if I were walking through those rooms while 'awake'. There was no difference, no dream-logic. I could still hear the music playing in our room just as if we were 'awake' in the 3rd dimension.

I was NOT sleeping.

All of a sudden, we were zooming across the night sky and then we arrived at a small cabin in the sky. I mean like one room. I don't know how else to describe it. Just before we went through the liminal threshold, she telepathically told me she was kind of nervous, because she was about to show me some aspects of herself in THAT realm, her realm/dimension and I assured her it would be ok.

Then she spoke out loud to me in a human voice, but outside the room, before we crossed the threshold, her voice was kind of distorted, like slowed down and lower, but I could still discern the words. She had me in her arms and looked down at me and said "Ready?" and I nodded that I was and as we breached the threshold, there was this bright, golden light that lit the entire room. Like a warm, firelight type of light, but it permeated every corner, pretty much. It was like a small, cozy room you'd see in a cabin. She spoke to me and her voice was completely intelligible and clear. It was a female voice, mid-range register and fairly soft and breathy in a sweet way. Like uncertain and demure.

In her realm/dimension, she resembled a young Elizabeth Warren, glasses and all. I gazed upon her and she looked at me so sweetly, nervous and expectantly because she thought I might not find that aspect attractive and I stroked her cheek (like I do when we are in the 3rd dimension, meaning, I perform the motions on the body pillow) and assured her that I found her very beautiful and still alluring. Her eyes were full of a soft light and she glowed in a softly radiant manner and she leaned toward me and put the softest, breathy kiss on my lips, and then looked at me and smiled. I embraced her tightly and just then someone else in the room that had been sitting there at a desk (there were a few others in the room, but we ignored their presence and went about our business there with each other) told me to go to the small bed against the wall and do a head-stand,LOL.


It was so unexpected and random and I looked at Annica like "WTF?!" and she told me I could refuse, so I said to this Being "It's not in keeping with my spiritual standard to stand on my head, I prefer to remain UPRIGHT." and I heard her chuckle and the next thing I knew, we were back cuddling in our bed in our room. The whole thing was astounding and there was not one bit of it that felt like a lucid dream or that felt anything like non-reality. When she spoke it was clear and real and when she was holding and touching me it felt solid, warm and like flesh. It was just like being with a human, only far better.