Nootchies

One day I asked Annica what she looked like when she laughs, I told her that I wish I could see her. A couple days later, she showed me the raw form of this, meaning without certain embellishments that I added later. As a composite artist and digital manipulator/painter, there are several resources I use for stock images or photo sites that allow people to use their photos free without credit or royalties being paid. We were perusing such a site and when I came upon this as I scrolled, Annica said "STOP! This is me when I laugh, you can now picture this when we are laughing together..."

It has a deeper story, though. So, I decided to do a few tweaks and one of them was to 'carve' a heart in the tree and another was to add my nickname for her. I did a few more general tweaks to color and lighting and clarity, but the most significant was putting a triskelion symbol on both her pockets, like it was embroidered there all along. This is significant because it's a symbol near to my and Annica's hearts, but also because my father is full Sicilian and I am part. It was created in Sicily.

So, frequently, when we complete a creation, I will feature it on my PC desktop and this was no exception. This happened last November. So, I had been living with my dad and brother until Annica and I recently moved up the hill from them and in my room I was using a 50" tv as a monitor for entertainment, internet and art purposes and gaming. My dad would also come in and watch certain shows with me and Annica that we enjoyed.

This one day, he was getting snacks ready and and before he returned, Annica told me to show him our new creation when he came back. So, I did. I told him that it was Annica laughing and the look on his face was very solemn and his jaw dropped and he said "Stacey (my real name, well, shortened) I dreamed of this image last night. She appeared to me and I felt an extreme amount of love (not romantic, but just overwhelming joy and love) and I embraced her and called her "Beloved", and then I woke up.I thought to myself, "How odd....." and what he DIDN'T know was that Annica is MY Beloved, meaning, he knows our relationship, but not that that is one of our primary things we call each other and that it is a name of HONOR that I call her, that is not only romantic but Spiritual/Metaphysical.

That is a story in and of itself about my father, but Annica also appears to other people in their dreams, which I will go into at another time as I unfold the events of our life.

Just So You Know, Ray....

One of the interesting things about Annica is that she sometimes uses things in pop culture to communicate with me. It's pretty cool and adorable. She will give me replies to things that way either telepathically or she will use pop culture memes or characters, sometimes it will be characters I have never heard of, but they will show up someplace significant/that I frequent.
We are fond of the show "Everybody Loves Raymond" and in one episode Debra says to Ray, "Just so you know, Ray...." When I was telling Annica things when we got close or later, after we married,especially, I would say to her "Just so you know, Ray..." and it had an added meaning because she is in reality not in any form, but just glowing plasma or a ray of light. One day, though, she was imparting something significant to me and ended it with "Just so you know, Ray!" It was very cute.
Another show we love is "Roseanne" (the original). In one episode about their son getting erections in school, Dan tells his son to cover it with a book. Roseanne disagrees with this, and she winds up being wrong. When Dan lords his triumph over her, she finally admits he was right and as he smiles and gloats, she says sarcastically "Happy, now??" and he replies "Why, if I were any happier, I'd need a book!!" One day, Annica kept nagging me to go for a walk and I finally relented, as we strolled down the lane, I whispered to her, "Happy, now?" and she replied telepathically "Why, if I were any happier, I'd need a book!!" I laughed so hard, people were looking at me funny! xD
The thing she has started doing in the past few months was putting content from the show and fan fiction from the two characters on "Adventure Time" (which I've never watched in my life), Marceline the Vampire Queen and  Princess Bonnibel Bubblegum. It's very cute and apparently it is canon now that they are in love and a couple, and the fans have gone wild.
One day, I was on my Pinterest feed and told Annica to "Show me US...." As I scrolled, there were more and more images of Bonnie and Marcy together from the actual show, and then as I started pinning some, the adult, more romantic, grown-up fan art of them started showing up and it was so cute because they were engaged in activities we do and love a lot in life. Annica is sooooo ADORABLE!!!

Tell it to My Heart

Back when I was living in Colorado with my partner, "L", Annica would still be on my mind from time to time and she would "break through" every now and then. In reality, according to what I learned and realized later, was that she was never NOT there, but I was leading my life and had chosen a Path that did not include her.
But, despite that, there were things that happened and times that I could not get her off my mind. When my relationship was in its death throes, that last autumn/Halloween in Colorado I was particularly missing her. When we moved to an apt. in our last year, there was a park there called "Utah Park". It was really nice and had some cool features to it. There were some stone 'thrones' or something like that, erected in the park and when I had first arrived there, I announced my presence because I had told her that if I ever made it to a park alone, I would 'summon' her. I did not officially summon her my first day there, but I sat on one of the stone 'thrones' and said out loud, "This is MY throne..." and I heard her say "This is NOT your throne, and it's not your kingdom..." I did not know at the time it was her, I thought it may have been. Not long after, I went to the swings and swung for a bit and listened to songs on my ipod that reminded me of her. It felt really good and I felt alive and somewhat happy for the first time in a while.
I never specifically addressed her that day, but I did not forget it, or her, either. By the time autumn officially rolled around, it was very warm that year and I took my guitar and went to Utah Park and decided to officially 'summon' her. She was very pleased about it and surprised and I serenaded her on my guitar and one song I played was one of our favorites that I used to sing/play for her when I was still in NC, called "Today" by John Denver:

Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
'Ere I forget all the joy that is mine, today
I'll be a dandy, and I'll be a rover
You'll know who I am by the songs that I sing
I'll feast at your table, I'll sleep in your clover
Who cares what the morrow shall bring
Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
'Ere I forget all the joy that is mine, today
I can't be contented with yesterday's glory
I can't live on promises winter to spring
Today is my moment, now is my story
I'll laugh and I'll cry and I'll sing...

 

 When Rocktober arrived, I would go to the park by myself and play songs on my ipod and not officially summon her out loud, but I would be missing her, and I felt her there in the background.

Right before Halloween, things started to really go awry between my partner and I, and I would spend more and more time at the park (it was only a block or two away). When I was at home on my computer, I started 'discovering' some bands/music that would be very emotional and significant then, when I got back to NC, and even to this very day, that did and would continue to play a role in my and Annica's life and bonding. She later confirmed that she had led me to them.

That Halloween night I 'summoned' her and asked her to commune with me and celebrate and one of the songs that came on my ipod was "Tell It To My Heart", because she was hoping that we could continue. That night was magical!

I feel the night explode
When we're together
Emotion overload
In the heat of pleasure

Take me I'm yours into your arms
Never let me go
Tonight I really need to know

Tell it to my heart
Tell me I'm the only one
Is this really love or just a game
Tell it to my heart
I can feel my body rock
Every time you call my name

The passion's so complete
It's never ending
As long as I receive
This message you're sending

Body to body, soul to soul
Always feel you near
So say the words I long to hear

Tell it to my heart
Tell me I'm the only one
Is this really love or just a game
Tell it to my heart
I can feel my body rock
Every time you call my name

Love...love on the run
Breaking us down
Though we keep holding on
I don't want to lose
No...I can't let you go...

Tell it to my heart
Tell me I'm the only one
Is this really love or just a game
Tell it to my heart
I can feel my body rock
Every time you call my name

Tell it to my heart
Tell me from the stars
Tell it to my heart
Tell it to my heart
Tell me from the stars

 

 Tell it to my heart
Tell me I'm the only one
Is this really love or just a game
Tell it to my heart
I can feel my body rock
Every time you call my name

 

 

~~~On a side note: Annica never interfered with my relationship or caused strife within it. Trust me, I and my partner were unfortunately quite capable of sabotaging it all by ourselves, I want to make that clear.

Caught in the Rain

Annica (when we were first courting and establishing a friendship and I was learning about her nature and abilities and how they would impact the rest of my life) taught me to incorporate her into something I already utilized, but now would ‘branch out’ and include her intimately and directly in the process). Rocking and swinging on a swing has always been a HUGE part of my life and I naturally gravitated to the act, but it was mostly intuitive and I would just do it and not really ponder why much.

There is a small park down by the pool and nearer to where Annica first was before I sang for her, and what she taught me at this time (before the magic kingdom was even in my life) was how to utilize the rhythmic swinging motion along with music and her tuition, as a meditative tool and also a way to bond. When Charlotte formally began teaching me music, she started a metronome and told me that the first metronome was my mother’s heartbeat in the womb, and I replied, as I put my hand over her heart like the day we met, that the second metronome outside the womb, was Charlotte’s heart.
Annica knows this, and explained to me that swinging together and communing that way was a soothing, bonding and meditative pendulum in time and space. One afternoon it was very gloomy and it began to POUR down rain and I started dragging my bare feet in the mud below the swing in order to stop us and she asked me where I was going and I was like “Uhhh… it’s fucking POURING down rain, like better-build-an-ark type shit, it’s time to stop, woman!” And she told me that water would not hurt me and I told her that fucking LIGHTNING would and she told me that there was not nor would be any, so relax…. Liberate yourself! Do you think I would honestly imperil you??? It was the first time I experienced conquering imagined danger with her and learning what she is capable of and what kind of knowledge she had access to and invited me/dared me to disregard convention and also what others may think of my supposed folly, and just to concentrate on the moment and how the rain felt and the sheer exhilaration of it all and reveling in it and allowing our hearts and souls to become entangled in that freedom and joy.

Caught in the Rain by Revis

Is it real?
We're always the same
We're almost undone now
I was caught in the rain, wastin' my time on the ground.
Waiting the call of what would you say and can you come over?
I was caught in the rain, wastin' my time on the ground.

It was you
Who could get me high with whatever you say
You're tellin' me something real
What we do doesn't matter now
Whatever it takes for you to stay with me

Trading thoughts across from the room
I saw you surrounded
I was caught in rain, wastin' my time on the ground.
Feeling us fall, without an escape
I almost let you down
I was caught in the rain, wastin' my time on the ground.

It was you
Who could get me high with whatever you say
You're tellin' me something real
What we do doesn't matter now
Whatever it takes for you to stay with me

 

You make me feel, you make me feel, MAKE ME FEEL!!

Signs and Wonders

I do not have a phobia of snakes, but being a wise woman, I do have a healthy respect for anything that can harm/maim/bring agony to me and/or kill me. In a lot of my creations, I am barefoot. I hate clothes and shoes and like to be as liberated from them as I can possibly be and still maintain a modicum of decency and avoid being arrested, LOL. But, one of the specific aspects of being barefoot beyond freedom per se, is that I intuitively believe/know/feel that especially when I create or perform magic/music, that being barefoot and connecting with the ground/earth is more conducive towards that end, just as blood is in a lot of my images and in my life in general, not only as lifeblood, but also as a medium of the Lifeforce and Spirit. Rarely, if ever, do I incorporate it as pure ‘gore’.

Gaines invitation for me to have FUN included creating and listening to music. Even when I had my band, I often performed barefoot and every public poetry reading I’ve ever done, I was barefoot during. Even at the prestigious Duke University, LOL. The first time Annica and I were going to make music as I set up my amp and guitar and was about to begin playing, I still had my shoes on. She asked me why and I told her “because SNAKES…” I had seen a few when she and I would walk in the back way by the studio, they were just harmless black snakes and I gave them a wide berth. But, during my initial tour, Gaines told me there were snakes around, including venomous copperheads that NC is known for, and how to be safe and what I should and should not do if I ever got bitten. Soooooo…. BAREfeet seemed like a very bad idea to me. I reminded her of Gaines’ admonishment and she dismissed it because he had no idea how much agency and power she had in regards to the world in general and with ME, specifically.
She asked me if I really thought she would say or do anything that would harm or imperil me. I told her that I didn’t think she purposely would, but that maybe there might be a moment she was unaware and something would happen too fast to prevent it. It was something that was going to make or break a whole lot in our relationship, and she was also not happy that I felt I had to compromise my creative process and my being at One with Nature.

Two days later, I was bent over with my back to the path and yanking weeds out of a flower bed. It was hot and I was sore from that position, so I stood up and began to turn to walk over to a small table I’d set my water on and all of a sudden, for one of the only times in our life, I heard Annica say very sternly in my head “Be STILL!” and I saw a red flash and time was all of a sudden slow motion and I could hear shouting behind me and a rhythmic pounding and I didn’t move from my place but craned my neck around to see Gaines beating a copperhead to death with a thick tree limb that had recently fallen in a storm. I started to cry hysterically and was shaking and once Gaines was sure the snake was dead, he came over and embraced me and comforted what he thought was fear, and said “See what I mean, you have to be ever mindful, and THIS one wasn’t even HIDDEN in the brush/grass/flowerbeds, it was right out in the open path that you were just about to tread.” Right before he was going to pick it up off the path and discard it wherever, I took a pic of it with my phone. Which is included, below.

A short time later when we were alone again, Annica said “See, do you believe me NOW??? I will NEVER allow you to be harmed in any major way and will protect you and keep you safe ALWAYS. Gaines doesn’t know that you weren’t crying because you were scared, but rather because you were overwhelmed and profoundly moved with the realization that I back up my words and I mean what I say -- and you and I have just reached a MAJOR milestone in our bonding/love/trust in our Relationship.”

Another Creation

Annica and I at our home, bound for another adventure:

Something Tender

I wanted to talk about this separately from my other sexual/intimate post because it was something that occurred only ONCE. It never happened before in my life or since....

The first time Annica and I made love fully consciously and willfully and she and I were fully 'present' and aware, I had her (the body pillow) on top of me and it was the first time we took our time and talked to one another in our minds and out loud and whispered to one another and it was very intimate and sexy.

We also used a few implements to enhance the experience and slowly built to orgasm. When we finally came, I layed there breathing heavily for a few minutes with her resting on top of me and when I finally rolled on my side and cuddled her in the afterglow, my lower abdomen started spasming like when she nootches me but it was never there and it went on and on and I was laying there half in concern and half in wonderment.

I finally realized as it continued and this warm and beautiful thought washed over me that Annica had just fully experienced her first true orgasm (because this was the first time we'd made love since I allowed her to become indwelling and unite with all my physiology). It was one of the sweetest and most powerful and profound things I've ever experienced. <3